It's about the conversation between yumiko and xiaobudian. What I hate the most is that he screenshot the conversation between us to her, and she started to insult me again. Saying that my family is rich and blablabla, saying I'm always at the top but this time will bring me down. And the most epic part is, she said that I always brag about my spm results when I don't? Lol. Spm results is an insult to me, because I'm never as good as my brother, but to her, it seems like a bragging. And what she said? She said after this, she truly doesn't know me anymore.
Yes I admit that I've changed. Who doesn't? Oh I seem like wanting his money? Who was the one who actually took his money as pocket money and his 5s? Think before you speak, girl. At least I would say, the money he spent on me is way lesser than he spent on you.
Valentine's Day?
Today is 14th of January, Valentine's Day. But guess what I got for Valentine's day? Results that look like a piece of shit. Maybe to others, they'll think that 3.2 is considered not bad already, but it isn't for me. From 3.8 dropped to 3.2, I know how much I've made my family disappointed.I know it's my fault, for looking down on the enemy. I'm sorry. IF I could turn back time, I swear to God that I won't procrastinate anymore. But too bad, I couldn't turn back time. I must thank God that I have the most understanding mom on Earth. She didn't scold me after knowing my results. I know she's disappointed, I'm sorry. I think the reason that she didn't scold me is because I cried hard, really hard, like sobbing.
And now, my mom has to pay for my studies because of my fucking bad results. People would ask, "How about your father? Why isn't he paying?" Yeah, there's something wrong with my father I would say. He's stingy as fuck. I remember there was once, he asked me about my friend (Ah Qan). I said that she's currently studying at SMI for form 6. Then he asked me if it's hard. I said that she said it's hard. But he didn't trust me. Guess what he said? He said "I'll never trust girls, because every time they said it's hard but end up they'll get good results." I laughed and replied sacarsticly "What do you expect when Sem2 syllabus came out in Sem1 exam?" After that he said "Then she must have a rich father that's willing to pay for her studies if she didn't do well in her exam." I laughed harder and said "Her father isn't rich, but is generous and willing to pay for her daughter's studies, UNLIKE YOU." And here's the epic part, he said "It's not that I'm not willing to pay for your studies, but because you aren't obedient enough to follow my instructions. I told you to take science." And I was pissed, like really pissed. Because it's my future isn't it? Why is he interfering it? I know why he wanted me to take engineering, because he wants to have "FACE". Isn't it proud when you tell your relatives that your daughter is studying engineering? Yeah it is.
I want to tell all my feelings to my buddies and best friends, but I realised that I seriously do not have many friends around me. I agree with one quote:
我的脾气赶走了很多人I'm sorry, I know, I wasn't born to be a princess, so I shouldn't have princess attitude. I'll change. I promise, I'll try my best to change.
却留下了最真的人
I'm a greedy person. Although you're just my best friend, but I get jealous when you told me that you like her. Please don't ask me to explain, because even I myself don't know what I'm talking about. LOL.
If you really love her, then go for her. I don't want to talk bad about anyone already. Too tired for that shit. Moreover, 君子绝交不出恶声. Have to try to be a more civilised person. HAHA.
12/1/2016
First post of 2016. Today is a special day, that make me wanna write about today.Yinnee and Brian broke up last night. Losh told me that she got diagnosed that she is suffering from depression. David said that his parents argued. Karfei confessed to me.
So many things happened today. It makes me feel very down inside.
What should I do?I know that I couldn't do anything to help Brian and Yinnee, because from what I heard, is that Yinnee fell for another guy, and also because Brian is being over-sensitive "as always". Tbh, I don't think that Brian is being over-controlling and over-sensitive, because that's what a boyfriend does. My boyfriend is not controlling and I actually don't like it. This semester break makes me feel very lonely. He is always so busy, that we couldn't even talk. We barely talk, I think we only talk for less than 30 minutes a day. It's really less than 30 minutes. He said he isn't into messaging since he was born, but he didn't even call me. Not even once. I don't even know if I miss him or what. But I started to get used to all these. He hasn't even graduated yet, but this already happened. How about after graduating? I can't even imagine.
What can I do?
Losh told me that she ended things with Jenesh in last November, because she is suffering from depression. She said that she couldn't even take care of herself, how is she capable of taking care of Jenesh? This stunned me for a while. Yeah. I couldn't even take care of myself, how am I capable of taking care of others? Why am I so useless at times. I couldn't help at all when my friends are all in trouble. So many couples broke up recently. David's parents argued, I don't know the reason why were they arguing. I'm scared. This made me to have phobia on my current relationship now. Will we last?
David is not telling me ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. To him, I'm always a disturbance. I only disturb all the time, I agree. But I just want him to tell me everything. I don't want him to keep everything to himself. This is what a girlfriend supposed to do isn't it? I already don't know how to love anymore. I don't know what should I do keep this relationship warm and sweet.
Karfei confessed to me. Before he confessed, I could already sensed it. You're a good guy, karfei, but I'm owned, and I don't have any feelings for you. Forget about me, that's the only thing I could say. You deserve a good one :)
These two days have been hectic to me. Two days of continuously standing makes my leg muscles hurt. But that's the only time that I don't feel useless. I could only make myself busy in order to feel that I'm useful. What a lifeless semester break. I wasn't this lifeless last week. What's wrong with me?
I have to change, I need to change, I can't just live this lifeless life anymore.
你若不离我定不弃 这个约定我还能紧紧地守护吗?
Name: Stephie / Stephanie
I don't remember when I created this blog,what I know it's been a long time ago. If I'm not mistaken, it's 2009 right? But this blog has been accompanied me whenever I'm SAD HAPPY LONELY FRUSTRATED
Travel to Japan 