Be yourself, not someone else.

12/1/2016

First post of 2016. Today is a special day, that make me wanna write about today.

Yinnee and Brian broke up last night. Losh told me that she got diagnosed that she is suffering from depression. David said that his parents argued. Karfei confessed to me.

So many things happened today. It makes me feel very down inside.

What should I do?
What can I do?

I know that I couldn't do anything to help Brian and Yinnee, because from what I heard, is that Yinnee fell for another guy, and also because Brian is being over-sensitive "as always". Tbh, I don't think that Brian is being over-controlling and over-sensitive, because that's what a boyfriend does. My boyfriend is not controlling and I actually don't like it. This semester break makes me feel very lonely. He is always so busy, that we couldn't even talk. We barely talk, I think we only talk for less than 30 minutes a day. It's really less than 30 minutes. He said he isn't into messaging since he was born, but he didn't even call me. Not even once. I don't even know if I miss him or what. But I started to get used to all these. He hasn't even graduated yet, but this already happened. How about after graduating? I can't even imagine.

Losh told me that she ended things with Jenesh in last November, because she is suffering from depression. She said that she couldn't even take care of herself, how is she capable of taking care of Jenesh? This stunned me for a while. Yeah. I couldn't even take care of myself, how am I capable of taking care of others? Why am I so useless at times. I couldn't help at all when my friends are all in trouble. So many couples broke up recently. David's parents argued, I don't know the reason why were they arguing. I'm scared. This made me to have phobia on my current relationship now. Will we last?

David is not telling me ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. To him, I'm always a disturbance. I only disturb all the time, I agree. But I just want him to tell me everything. I don't want him to keep everything to himself. This is what a girlfriend supposed to do isn't it? I already don't know how to love anymore. I don't know what should I do keep this relationship warm and sweet.

Karfei confessed to me. Before he confessed, I could already sensed it. You're a good guy, karfei, but I'm owned, and I don't have any feelings for you. Forget about me, that's the only thing I could say. You deserve a good one :)

These two days have been hectic to me. Two days of continuously standing makes my leg muscles hurt. But that's the only time that I don't feel useless. I could only make myself busy in order to feel that I'm useful. What a lifeless semester break. I wasn't this lifeless last week. What's wrong with me?

I have to change, I need to change, I can't just live this lifeless life anymore.

你若不离我定不弃这个约定我还能紧紧地守护吗?

❤ "12/1/2016" was Posted On: Tuesday, January 12 @10:38 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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